Halloween 2011

Do I even need to bother telling you what Carter wanted to be for Halloween? Of course he was Buzz Lightyear. My mom got him a costume in Disney World for his birthday and boy was he excited to be "The real Buzz!"

Carter was with his dad for the weekend prior to Halloween and that is when I would have done pumpkins and sugar cookies. Next year, however, Boston, Carter, Shane and I will be Halloween fools! In place of pumpkin carving, Shane and Carter decided to draw on the tiny pumpkins that Carter wouldn't leave Wal-Mart without.

Carter and me at my grandparents pumpkin patch

inlet/outlet.... Don't ask.

My very own Buzz Lightyear.

My Beetle and My mom

Dirty Boy

Carter and his cousins got into some mud. I suppose this is normal behavior. I am one of those moms that likes to let the kids be kids. Instead of being upset, I just took a few pictures. :)

My muddy man

Carter's muddy cousins

My cute little nephew Ayden. Still a little bit too young for the mud.

Words do not do this boy justice. He is so much fun.

Partners in crime

I have a 3 Year-old?

This year for Carter's birthday, we went to Utah. Then we celebrated in Idaho. Then Carter celebrated with his dad a week later. Holy cow he is spoiled! We chose to go to Utah since that is where the bulk of my family is. He had a blast. He got everything from all new Toy Story toys, a "Baby Brother" cake (He calls the alien from Toy Story Baby Brother...), movies, money, clothes, trucks, tractors, and the list goes on and on and on and on...

My Mom made Carter's cake in 2 hours. No. I am not lying. My mom is pretty much the bomb. For those that didn't know... Carter couldn't have been more happy and excited about it.

Dear Carter,
I cannot believe that it was 3 years ago that I heard your first cry and held you in my arms for the first time. I knew that day that it was my job to always protect you. You have been the absolute light of my life since.

At such a young age, you have been through dramatic changes this past year. You and I moved out of our home, away from your dad, into Grandpa Craig's, and then to Idaho with your "Daddy Shane." You have been so good. You have adapted well and are thriving appropriately. You love it here in Idaho, and I am so excited to raise you here. Idaho was a great move for a busy little boy like you. You are free to play outside, in the dirt, go to work with Shane, enjoy life in the slower lane and just be you.

You are so intelligent. You definitely got that from me. ;) You can count to 20, you know your ABCs, you memorize movies, you know your colors, shapes, animals, machines that Shane uses at work, and my recent favorite, emotions. You do this "Mad Face" and it MELTS MY HEART. Oh my gosh, you are so perfect right now. You know the way directly to my heart. If you want something, you caress my cheek, put your hand under my chin and you ask in the sweetest voice. I have a very hard time telling you no. (Even though I Feel like I tell you no more than I tell you anything else..)

Your favorite foods lately have been the following: Macaroni and Cheese (Macky Cheese), corn dogs (But just the batter), Eggo waffles, Toaster Strudles (Just the frosting), Cupcakes (Just the frosting), Blueberry muffins (Blueberry nuffins), chicken nuggets, fries, ice cream, chips and Cheetos and anything else unhealthy.

Another huge change that you are going to have coming is the fact that you are going to be a big brother. You are SO excited. You have already started to blame things on your brother. At the same time, you have already listed off the things you will be sharing with him and the things that you won't be sharing with him. You tell me almost daily, "Mom, is Boston going to play yet? I want to hold him, wrap him in his blanket, change his bum and give him his bottle." I think you will be singing a different song when he is born. For now, you love the idea. You are going to make a fabulous brother, Beets. I know it.

I want you to know that you have been my light in the dark, my rock in the sand and my backbone. Isn't it miraculous that my little toddler was my best friend all along? You gave me a reason to stay strong and move on with my life. You gave me a reason to smile when I was so sad. YOU, Carter Oxborrow, are the light of my life. You will never know how much you saved me. I love you more than I have ever loved anything. Don't you dare outgrow your mother. Happy 3rd Birthday, you sweet boy.

Love,
Mommy

Carter Turns 3

Carter's Cake that my mom just busted out in less than 2 hours. Yep, she is amazing.

Carter's first time seeing his cake

My big boy

Carter and Aunt Syd. They are BFFs.

Carter patiently waiting to open his presents.

Looking up at Shane telling him it's ok to start opening them.

About 1/2 of the birthday crew.

Tearing into his presents.

Carter overwhelmed.

Carter with his dad .

About to blow out his candles.

Grandma thinks that birthday means he can touch and eat any part of the cake.

All of my Dad and Jenny's grandbabies

Our Sweet Family

Birthday party #2 with Idaho Family.

Carter with his Grandpa Kit and Grandma Connie and his new Dozer.

One Pooped out birthday boy!

Enjoying his toys.

It's A Boy!

On September 15th, 2011, Shane, Carter Granny Idaho and I found out that we are adding another little boy to our family. We are SO excited! We will welcome Boston Shane Tillotson on Shane's birthday, March 15th, 2012 and we are looking forward to his arrival. He is so loved already. Carter cannot even stand the thought of waiting to hold his new tiny brother, Boston.

14 weeks 3 days

Day 5-Something I Hope For

Well, if we are referring to material things, I sure hope to someday travel the world. Seems weird, but I have some seriously high hopes for Europe, Tahiti, Belize, Australia, The Caribbean and anywhere that I can learn to appreciate a different culture. I want to do so with my spouse. So I suppose that can be another hope... to marry my best friend when the time is right. I kinda like him, so I guess being married wouldn't be so bad. ;)

Day 4- Something I need to forgive someone for

I feel like holding a grudge falls back on me. It is exhausting to be mad at someone forever. However, my most recent deal is still bothering me. Am I sad? Not really. Do I feel betrayed? Definitely. Do I want to make amends with her? Doubtful. I feel like a "Best friend" would never do the things that she did, therefore, with "friends" like that around, who needs enemies? I often wonder if an apology would even help. I mean, yes it is a kind gesture, but the more kind gesture would have been to not do what she did in the first place. Apology would be accepted, I may sleep better at night, I may continue to sleep great surrounded by my sweet family, but maybe if she apologized it would set her free, as well. (Unless she has no conscience...which I can't say whether she does or not.)

A brief overview of the story is that I had a very close friend, one that I would have called a best friend, really. I had gone through a divorce and she was going through a divorce too, so I offered my shoulder to cry on, a pair of listening ears, a true, devoted friendship and sisterhood and never judged her for her post divorce craziness. (Although, it cant really be termed post divorce since she is in fact, still married.) We spent lots of nights talking about how certain things still really hurt, how we would have done anything to make it work if we could have at the time, how we wanted what is best for our ex spouses, how we wanted bigger and brighter futures etc. Lots of tears, lots of laughs, lots of long talks, long drives, stuff  friends would do.
I remember vividly having a conversation one night with her about how I wanted Clayton to move forward and be happy, and how I want him to experience the things that we lacked in our marriage. I expressed how betrayed I felt when another "friend' of mine had dated an ex boyfriend. We then talked about her soon to be ex husband and she stated she would be very upset if he started dating, especially someone that she knows etc. I remember talking about this in great detail, sharing a lot of personal reasons why we wanted these things for our ex husbands.

A few  months later, She was forced to tell me that she was "Seeing" my ex husband. (By seeing, I mean seeing...) If that is how she wants to be treated, as things with Clayton and I were extremely rocky, then ok. However, she violated a friend code. A big one. She hurt my feelings, betrayed me, lied to my face and took a HUGE dump on our friendship, for I made it clear that day I was no longer available to be her friend-even if she and Clayton never went anywhere besides the bedroom. She hurt me too deep and crossed a line that I felt was unforgivable. I would never do that to my friend, especially one that was so strong and loyal. I believe we could categorize her with the slow learners. Oh the tangled webs some people weave.....

Of course they aren't seeing each other anymore. Get real.

Why do I even share this pathetic story? Well, I should get over it-I need to fully forgive her and forget her. I am in no way upset with my ex husband. He was definitely right on course for what I expect out of him. I divorced him for a reason, he never disappoints in this aspect! I mean, there are a million women and men in the area they live in and they choose each other? Really. How sweet. I will someday forgive her and forget her. For now, we will leave it as the "Should forgive someone for." It is still a tad bit touchy.

Day 3-Something I need to forgive myself for

I feel a ton of guilt about my divorce... A ton. Do I regret it? Nope. Not one minute. I feel bad that Clayton and I continually had to hurt each other to the point of divorce and I mostly feel so guilty for giving my son, that perfect little guy the life that I had with divorced parents. However, Carter is so much better off seeing Clayton and I co-parent effectively and seeing how a normal family functions with Shane and I. Being a single mom was hard. I just think it would have  been harder to stay.

Day 2-Something I love about myself

I love the choices I have made to better my life and my son's life. Sometimes, it is hard to see the rewards that are about to prevail, but the bottom line is what is meant to be, will be.

I  love the strong relationships in my life. I am so close to my family, my son, my companion (Who is a complete saint, by the way), my friends, my co-workers and the people in my life that have always been there.

Day 1- Something I hate about myself

To be honest, I truly try not to hate things that I cannot change. I hate the fact that I trust people I shouldn't. It is almost as if I have a sign on my forehead that says, "I will trust you, so let's be friends!" And then I get screwed. Every. Single. Time. The good news for me is this..... It has taught me to hold the trustworthy people closer, put more into those meaningful relationships and it has helped me be more callused.

Privacy, Please!

I am going to make this blog private. If you want to continue viewing it, leave your email! I will give you access!

So Very Thankful

I am a firm believer that in life you truly have 2 options.... to be happy or to be sad. I think everyone has a lot of things in life to be sad about. Some worse than others. I have a lot I could be sad about in my opinion. Unfortunate circumstances are part of life. However, I have learned so much and grown leaps and bounds from it all, how dare I not be so thankful for my trials? Through my hard times, I have always had my family. They are rock solid, what can a girl say? They are just that great. They helped me with Carter and the best thing they did for me was let me make mistakes and learn, but never give up on me. They have been my friends and I am So. Very. Thankful. (I have also had some amazing friends to lean on. I have learned a ton about who real friends are and who to trust. I am SO thankful for my sweet friends.) I also have one amazing little boy. He has been my rock. He will NEVER know how much love and gratitude I have for him in my heart. I cannot believe a 2 year-old has the capacity to pull a woman in her 20s through some rough things. Bottom line, I will not let these things go unnoticed. I also need to extend my gratitude to Shane. Not only is he the sweetest boyfriend, companion, role model and family man, but he is one of the best friend I have ever had. Ever. Through thick and thin. I am so thankful for everything that Shane is. So I thought I would share a letter. I have debated sharing it for a while, but I think it is appropriate since it is part of my life. It is how I have felt for a while.

Dear Shane,
I wish I could write out everything I had to say. Some things are just not meant to write. They are too perfect to put into words. See, you literally leave me speechless. That is a miracle in itself.

Thank you so much for being you. Thank you for holding my hand, yet teaching me self discovery by being the valiant man that you are. You never made me decide anything. You simply asked that I do what I need to do to be happy. I have never felt so much love and support with so little direction. You believed so strongly in us, you didn't have to say a word.

Thank you for being so good to my son, the little man that is the center of my whole world. I know that you were aware of my apprehension when it came to Carter. He is so perfect and it is my job to let him remain that way. You never made me feel pressure. You always made me feel like being with me was a packaged deal, and it is. You have never one time made me feel like Carter or I am a burden on your life. You tell me all the time that Carter will be treated exactly like our babies will be. You tell me that you love Carter like your own. You even said that if I were to pass away, heaven forbid, you would request that you still have visitation with Carter. Do you know how much that means to me? Do you know that all of the worries or doubts I have had the entire time faded away when you told me that? You love Carter. You love him for the little 2 year-old boy that he is. You have grown so much with Carter and I. You have made us feel so loved and safe with you. Thank you so much for being Carter's "Papa Shane." He adores you. He loves you like you have never been loved. He loves to climb up in  your lap and watch TV with you. He loves to sit on  your lap and drive when we are on the Razor. He knows it is you when he hears the dump truck pass. He looks up to you and I am so thankful that he has you. I know it isn't an easy transition for any of us, as Carter still has his dad that we all want part of his life; but I could never ask you to be any better. You are amazing.

Thank you for putting my insecurities to bed. Thank you for making me "Shut the backdoor I always had to leave open." You never make me feel stupid for being afraid. I know I am  no longer afraid, but it took me a long time to reach that point. It took patience on your part, and it took so many hours of explaining. You have held me through all of that. Thank you for not seeing me as broken. I am no longer that way. You made it all ok. Thank you for being supportive. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so excited to continue to be thankful for someone like you. You are my dream. Thank you for always reminding me that you and I are a team. I will never forget the night you told me that it doesn't matter what happens in life, we are a team and there is nothing that can break that. I have never had more confidence in something lasting. Every aspect of my life is better because of you. I love you so much, to the end of space. To infinity and beyond. (Carter phonics)

Love,
Kelsie

July 2011

Carter enjoying some cookie dough on the porch

.

So, I am sure that everyone thinks I dropped off the face of the Earth. In a way, I sort of did. I have been super consumed with my boys, having the worst morning sickness ever, my job, Idaho state boards, still moving and a few vacations. 




First things first, my men are doing amazing. Shane has been super supportive of my life change, put up with a hormonal roller coaster, pulled the moving vehicle over for me to vomit, been a great role model to Carter and just made me love him more and more every single day. Carter has been playing like a mad man, getting filthy dirty, learned to repeat absolutely everything he hears, become attached to him Mommy in a delightful way, learned how to follow instructions and been my best little buddy. Life is good in little Idaho. I feel so fortunate to have a strong companion and a perfect son. I appreciate everything and everyone here. What a nice change it has been for Carter and me.

Carter is now binky free!! Hallelujah! I never thought we would see the day. In fact, I was trying to muster up a good story to tell his Kindergarten teacher here in the next few years as to why he still had a bink. He has been sober now for 5 days and has not even asked for it once. If he comes back from his dad's with a bink, SO HELP ME........ ;)

One of the last Bink pictures

As for the newest addition, she/he (Or one of each) is growing and making me a SICK woman. However, I was never sick one time with Carter, so I actually have it coming. I feel like being sick is a good sign. I am thankful to vomit the colors of the rainbow and constantly feel like I just exited the tire swing. I am looking forward to our ultrasound and check up next week. I am a worrier... I am sure none of you knew that. Going to the doctor will put my mind at ease. (Shane's too. He is getting a little bit on the eager side.) Carter man is convinced it is a baby sister. A frequent conversation at our house goes as follows:
Carter: Mom, is baby Brooklyn in your tummy?
Me: Carter, there is a baby in my tummy, but we don't know if it is a brother or sister.
Carter: Mom, it's a baby sister. Brooklyn.
Our families are excited, our friends are excited and we could not be happier. We are just simply trying to be patient.

Will it be......

A little Baby Boy?? Or a little Baby Girl?? 

Dear "Friend"

My Dearest "Friend,"
I know that you read this blog and sometimes with vindictive intentions. That's ok. I am on to you. Please read. That is quite flattering to me. You care enough to read and pass along my information. My life must be pre-tty interesting.

I want to tell you that I trusted you with everything. I trusted your intentions. I trusted your sincerity. Shame on me. I should have known that you have zero friends for a reason. Yes, please remain silent while you are working. That is the way you were when I met you and frankly, I understand why. You are a foul person. You know that people could sense that about you, I am sure. Not only are you a coward, but you are a liar as well. Title well earned, sister. Nice work. I could go on and on for days about what a horrible person you are. Truly. But, I want you to know that karma will do its job and there is no reason for me to say a word. You are one of those people that speak volumes about yourself by your actions. Words could never do you justice, anyway. I have said my piece. We will leave it at that.




Kelsie

A New Chapter

I am sure that most people that read this blog already know Carter and I are moving out of state. Yes, Clayton had a hard time with it. Yes, my family had a hard time with it. Yes, we will miss everyone and everything here. However, it is time for a new chapter. As of Friday, July 1st, 2011 Carter and I will be residents of Lava Hot Springs, Idaho. We are so excited! I did get a job there that I will share more about at a later time. Just wanted to post so that during this busy time in our lives, no one thinks I have neglected the blog!

Wish me luck packing, Carter luck leaving the belongings packed and Shane hauling it all.

I am so thankful for the family, friends and loved ones that have held Carter and I so close while we recovered from an interesting year. I am proud to say we are 110% back on track and ready for the next adventure. We are especially thankful for my Dad and Step-Mom who let us live there while we transitioned. We love you all SO MUCH and will miss you like CRAZY! Change is never easy, but at this time change is inevitable.

Unnoticed

Sometimes in life, we think about something, never say it and the moment passes. This can be good or bad things. This can be something that doesn't matter to anyone, but you. I was thinking about my life in the last little bit and there are a ton of things that have happened that I have kept to myself, never thinking about it until now. (This may be a completely boring post for some.) A few things that I want to point out are as follows:

• I have noticed who is my friend and who is not. Going through the Big "D" reminds you that some people are in your life as a convenience factor only. The ones that want to be there always will be.
• I know my own family memebers say rude things about me. When will it ever occur to some that family is all that you have? Be nice. I love my family. I want them there. I want to be supported. If I cannot have my family there and supportive and loving me for what I am, I don't even want to hear a peep. It is easier to deal with the silence.
• Sometimes people do things without an alterior motive. Sometimes people say or do kind things, because that is the way they are.
• Missing someone is harder than I thought it would be.
• If I don't have to say the actual word, "Bye" I do a whole lot better. I have this relentless phobia of good-byes. If I don't have to, I don't want to say it.
• The term "I love you" doesn't mean anything if actions aren't backing it.
• It is best to handle problems before they become a problem.

Happy Father's Day

I just want to take a minute to BRAG about the amazing men in my life.

First, and foremost... My Dad. I love my Dad so much. He has been my absolute ROCK through the worst part of my life. Seriously, I worry that I wouldn't be where I am today had my dad not loved and supported me through this. Sometimes I don't feel like I have a ton of family support, because I am a little bit of the wild one. I know no matter what I do, my dad will support me. Thank you Daddy. I love you so much and I am going to miss you so much with the upcoming changes in my life. I have absolutely LOVED living with you and getting as close as we are. Thank you for being one of my absolute best friends EVER. Thank you for being a good father figure to Carter. He adores you. He is going to miss you, as well.



My Proud Dad with Carter, 9 Months Old 2009

I am a blessed girl, because I have the most AMAZING step-dad EVER. He is the most supportive, down to Earth, sweet, giving man I have EVER met. I have never met someone more selfless. He has been my step-dad since I was 6. We are VERY close. I know that he always understands what I say to him and where I am coming from. If he doesn't, he seeks to understand instead of make judgement. I have some of the sweetest childhood memories of the things we used to do. When I was a little girl, I called him my Poppy. I love you SO MUCH, Rand. Thank you for everything you have done for me and will continue to do for me. I would be SO lost without you and your guidance. Carter loves you so much, too. Thank you for being so good to us. I love ya!!

Randy and Carter, May 2009



Men

All I have to say is WOW. Can you say I am in fact, the LUCKIEST, most blessed, HAPPY, thankful, girl EVER? Well I am.... In case you didn't know.

After another awesome weekend spent with the men I love, I feel like I am actually on top of the world. Someday, I am going to elaborate on the whole Carter/Papa Shane situation. For now, everyone has to know that I am fully aware of the blessings in my life.

The Men of my life. Papa Shane and Carter on the Razor Ride

Carter's first ride on a horse. He LOVED it.

Carter and his new BFF, Stoney

Welcome [Back] to Junior High

Do you remember in Junior High when you were embarrassed for anyone to see that you had a box of tampons in your locker? Or that you got a note from a "Less Popular Person?" How about when you got called down to Lunch Detention? (Dang Mrs. Zacardi if you went to Lehi Junior High) What about when you went to a Junior High dance and you got asked to slow dance? It was so scary! Remember? Oh how I would never want to relive that experience again..... Junior High kids are so freaking obnoxious. I am so glad that I was never that way. Hormones raging, puberty setting in, first kisses happening left and right....

Sometimes, when I think about my Junior High career, I get that sick feeling. Like, "Please don't make me do that again." belly ache. Then I remember when I got my first boyfriend and how I had butterflies constantly. He would write me the sweetest notes and slip them through my locker slot. He would hold my hand. He would tell everyone, "I am going out with Kelsie." (What does that even mean!?) He was so proud. Haha

Welcome to my life. Shane and I often joke that we are like two Junior High kids. Minus the Junior High. We are so lucky that we have the magic. (=

Oh my..

Look at that sweet boy with his helmet on and riding a girl bike. I am so thankful he is comfortable with his sexuality.

Just Like 2 Kids...

Baby always trying to live it up.