Magic

Last night, Carter and I were talking about Buzz and Woody. We frequently talk about them, because he just adores them. He said completely out of no where, "Mommy, it's magic!" I said back to him, "Carter you are so smart! It is magic that Buzz can fly. Cart, do you know what magic is?" And then it hit me....do I even know what magic is? Seriously.

According to dictionary.com, this is the definition: 
1. the art of producing illusions as entertainment by the use of sleight of hand, deceptive devices, etc.; legerdemain; conjuring: to pull a rabbit out of a hat by magic.

2. the art of producing a desired effect or result through the use of incantation or various other techniques that presumably assure human control of supernatural agencies or the forces of nature. Compare contagious magic, imitative magic, sympathetic magic.

3. the use of this art: Magic, it was believed, could drive illness from the body.

 

In case you were wondering, 2 year-olds could care less about definitions. If I can't articulate it in a way he understands it, it doesn't work. He just looks at me like I am speaking Chinese, and I may as well be. I just explained to him that Buzz flying, Woody talking, the Easter Bunny leaving a basket and Santa fitting through the chimney is magic. We have to always believe in magic. He said, "Ok momma." He then went about his business.

 

My wheels started spinning.. What is magic to me? What is magic to you? Moving right along to list making, because it's what I do.....Magic is the following:

• Waking up in the morning one minute before the alarm clock, not feeling tired.
• Butterflies for no apparent reason. (Daniele Jordan Williams, not that kind!)
• When I felt Carter kick in my belly for the first time. Aw, I will never forget that.
• When a stranger tells you how amazing you look, even when you are in sweats and a hoodie.
• When Carter called me Mom for the first time.
• When Carter cried for the first time. It was heartwarming, but think about the science of it as well. These babies are all miracles.
• Giving someone the power to break your heart and not even trusting them to not, because they are so sensitive to you, breaking it will never happen.
• When you hear someones name and you instantly feel a connection.
• When you are in Disneyland and you sit there until the music stops.
• When you know something for a solid fact, and you never question it again.
• When you drift to sleep and you are having such a real dream and you realize you aren't fully asleep, but are more awake and thinking about the blessings in your life.
• When you lose someone that you really care about to death or just because you part ways, and you feel inner peace and power with walking away.
• When I find a killer sale.
• When my laundry is done by the "Laundry Fairy." (Thank you, Daddy.)

Why I Love My Job

Amy Jill Sperry, The best office assistant EVER

6 dozen colored Easter Eggs

And the Goofball, in the flesh

Amy will understand the following:

"Kelsie, Watch this..........Shi*"

"Hold my calls, please."

"Don't forget the spray!"

The Sweet Escape

Dani and Kelsie + Road trip to Idaho + Our first time out of the state of Utah (Dani and I) together + Announcing the new couple + Awesome tunes + Some late night hot tubbin' + 10 outfit changes for a one night trip = The Sweet Escape

God bless Idaho. It may never be the same. (:

April 16-17th, 2011

Inside jokes that we visited this trip:
"Dani, we are drawing unwanted attention to ourselves. Wait til that car passes."
"Girl, you give me butterflies....Butterflies, keeping me awake.... early in the morning."
"Kelsie, I am going to bed. Right now. Or I am going to sleep in my car and I am not kidding. It's a hell no. Help."
"Who died and made you king of anything?"
"Dani, we are not allowed to talk about it right now. If so, you owe me a pedicure and I will promise the same. Shut it up. Hurry."
"Google it, A-hole."
"BW and the hound end tonight. You hear me?"
"Kelsie, He LOVES you. Oh my goodness. He LOOOOOOVES you."
"Ummm, trap shooting??"

Easter 2011

Easter is one of my favorite holidays. I love that Spring is officially in full swing and it makes me so exzcited for Summer. Who doesn't love Summer?  So for Easter weekend, we played and played. Friday night, I drove up to take Shane his Easter basket. (I can't believe I didn't take a picture. I am so lame right now.) Saturday, we got up, played around, I went to my dear friend Terry's husband's viewing and then to my grandma's house for our annual Easter hot dog roast. Carter and I then headed to Park City to be with my wonderful friend Jo and her two kiddos Mya and Aidan. I love being with company that I adore on the holidays. Sunday we got up and the Easter Bunny came, of course. Carter went with his dad for dinner and I stayed home in my sweats all day long. Don't judge me. I was so tired.

Carter crashed when I put him in his carseat with his "Poop Book."

Carter and Ali, they are best buds

Carter and Syd, they are also best buds

My cute cousins Ellie and River

Aidan and Mya coloring eggs with Carter

Carter on his first indendent Easter Egg Hunt

Carter coloring Easter eggs

Carter, Syd and Grandma Hansen hunting Easter Eggs

Sydney Helping Carter

Carter running to his next egg

Carter just looking at the aftermath

Rylee and me at the hot dog roast

two peas in a pod

Carter passed out after we colored eggs

Monkey Island

Carter and I have been loving Monkey Island in Lehi. He has a blast. To answer your questions, YES! I totally jump on the stuff with him. Sometimes I swear I am a child trapped in a 23 year-old body. He always looks like an orphan when we leave there, because he plays so hard. Nothing better than a good old "Wear-the-child-out session."

12:12am on April 27, 2011

"Smarty. I LOVE YOU."

(Sent via text message)

Yes. He does. Know how I know? Because I love him back. No wonder I had good dreams last night.

Ok, Stop Asking Already

Now that I have come back to the blogging world and to Facebook, everyone wants to know what was happening in my life and where I have been hiding. For those of you that know me on a personal level, meaning we speak once a week or more, this is just a little refresher. Everyone else can have the basics.

After a divorce, a run at dating and a little confusion about what a "Boyfriend" is supposed to treat you like, I decided that this is my life. If I want to Facebook or blog, I shouldn't feel guilty about it. I also needed a clean slate. I dated some really fun people. I dated some really crazy people. I dated one on a fairly regular basis that did some damage. Whatever the case, it was my fault for letting him in. I call it my detour. (: It was a necessary detour, because I now know that no matter what, I am just Kelsie and if someone can't handle it, they don't deserve it. (Sorry sweet S, you were always consistent and never made me feel like a burden. Thank you for never giving up. I love you.) For those of you that have been married for a while and never been divorced and thrown back in the dating scene, it totally sucks. I have made the best of it. It is just so ironic how you truly forget how to date or maintain a relationship on that level. I was used to being married. Not "Dating" or "Being in a relationship."

For a while post divorce, I was anti marriage, anti relationships and anti commitment on any level. Now, I am not so opposed to it. (Obviously, I do have a boyfriend..) It is a miraculous thing what the human mind and body can do to keep you protected while you "Heal" from a devastating event in your life.

What happened between Clayton and I will never be written out for the world to read. It is completely unnecessary. Clayton is a great dad to my son and we are co-parenting just fine. That is all that matters....Carter. I will always want what is best for Clayton and I will always want him happy. I know I have certainly been able to  move forward and find complete happiness with the situation. Kumbaya, Clayton, and whomever reads this that will run and tell him. (Yes, it happens. I don't really care.)

In answering the common questions, here it goes:

1. Why in the world did you delete your Facebook?  A: Because it was drama. I made a new one and the people causing the drama aren't my friends on there. I also needed a fresh start. It has been great and drama free.
2. You used to date this kid that was tall with dark hair. Shane isn't the one with tall dark hair. What happened? A: I wish that boy well. Nope, he isn't Shane. In fact, Shane and that boy are polar opposites. Just didn't work out.
3. Are you ever going to get married again? A: Yes. I will get married again. I am going to be very cautious. I am only doing it one more time so I better make it count! (I cannot believe I am actually able to admit that. Wouldn't have happened 6 months ago.)
4. What is your biggest fear about being single? A: I was single for a while and I liked it fine. It is hard to go from being married to nothing, but I learned a ton about myself. It is lonely sometimes, but I have my little man and he has been my solid through all of this. Fear about single life was just that I would never find someone that I could spend forever with. Forever is a long time and I have perspective as to how hard it can get. That is a bonus. I know EXACTLY what I want now and I know EXACTLY how I should treat the person I love. They will never go a single day wondering.

Hopefully that clears a few things up. (: not that I owe it to anyone, but sometimes it helps answer questions no one dares to ask. (Except the bold ones)

Know. Hope. Believe

Here we go again with the lists.. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a huge list maker. I know, you think I am weird. However, there is something so liberating about making a  huge list and crossing things off. I love it. Carrying on...

10 things I Know are as follows:

• If I sleep for 4 hours or 13 hours, I am the same amount of exhausted. I swear, I am always tired. Thankfully, I am still happy when I'm sleepy.
• To everything there is a season. Things come and go, people change and that is the perfect opportunity to make changes and adjustments to our lives.
• I love Carter more than I have ever loved a single thing. It is a special kind of love, that you only have as a mom.
• For every Jack there is a Jill, and for every Jill there is a Jack.
• I am not always going to live in Utah. I have always known that.
• My favorite food will always be anything mexican. Love it!
• They say you'll know when you know, and I KNOW. (:
• I am going to do a river run this summer.
• I am going to go to some concerts this summer.
• I know something or someone named Joey. (Inside Joke)

10 things I Hope are as follows:

• Everything makes sense someday.
• Everyone can experience happiness that I do every single day.
• My family and friends know how important they are to  me and how much I love them.
• I can complete my bucket list before I die.
• I can learn how to make cake balls this week so I can take them to my man.
• I am being a good Mom to Carter.
• I can remember everything I need to for finals week.
• Whitney's next lab draws and scans come back better.
• That I will get married again and have a baby someday.
• When I learn how to ride horses this week, I don't die.

10 things I Believe are as follows:

• I wouldn't be the wife (Future), mom, companion, friend or person that I am today had I not lived the last year the way I did.
• There is a lesson to be learned in every trial we go through.
• I am going to have the best summer yet!
• My girls Dani and Jo are going to make it through their trials alright.
• Whitney will be cancer free this time next year.
• I am going to be 10 lbs lighter by my birthday.
• speaking of birthday....who wants to go to Vegas for it? I will be there!
• Life will never be easy. Get used to it.
• Carter is going to be a little gentlemen when he "Grows up."
• Clayton has my blessing in whatever he does in life as long as Carter is taken care of.

Lost in Translation

So, If you know me at all, you know that I am a little uneducated when it comes to certain terms. I am working on it. Just have a few examples that made me smile. 

Last weekend, I went to Idaho to spend some time with Dani in her hometown and Shane. On the way home, Dani wanted to swing into her parents house to say bye. So we pull up and her mom says, "Your dad isn't here. He is down trap shooting. Go say bye to him down there." (Picture a horrible look on my face...) So I said, "Trap shooting?" This is what I had in my head..... Poor little animals getting caught in a trap and then released at the same time so that these men could shoot at them. Makes perfect sense.... Trap shooting. Right?

 

WRONG!!!

Trap shooting is the same thing as shooting clay pigeons. You go to a little shooting range area, thingie, someone or something shoots the clay pigeons and the men shoot at them. Way to go, Kelsie. I made a complete idiot of myself.

 This is where they shoot.

 This is what they shoot.

It's fine. Now I know, right?

Next item of business I was uninformed of is the term "Foo Foo." Conversation went like this:

Shane: Oh my hell it smells like foo foo in here. 

Me: (Didn't want him to know I had no clue what he meant) Oh, yea. It does huh.....??

Here is what I had pictured in my head.......

I'm thinking to myself, "Good heavens. My car must stink. It smells like a bunny!" (Little Bunny Foo Foo)

A few minutes later, Kody, Shane's uncle walks up to my car window. Conversation went like this:

Kody: Oh my good hell it smells like a woman's car in there.

Shane: I know! It smells like Foo Foo so bad in here! 

Here is what I gathered from these men talking back and forth; Foo Foo is girl smells. 

Who would have thought? 

Kelsie's Foo Foo:

Just thought that I would look back in a few months and laugh at these terms. I will be used to them in no time. :)  Even though neither of these terms actually make sense.

The Perfect Answer

":) Ok, whatever makes you happy gf." Sent via text message

I do believe, ladies and gentlemen, I have found someone that understands me.

Love you too, S.

Happiness is..

Here are a few things that make me happy, in no specific order:

• Knowing that my parents always have my back, right or wrong.
• Having friends that I have had for years that remain loyal and want what is best for Carter and me.
• Learning how to love again, and moving forward fearlessly. Although I thought my life would be a little different than it is, I wouldn't have it any other way.
• Having a great job with staff that I love and that respect me.
• Having a son, making me a mother and completing my little soul.
• Having extended family that is just as close as my immediate family.
• A long kiss good-bye that used to be a secret, now everyone knows. (Took 9 solid months of detours, crappy dating life and encoutering some real winners..Now I am here and ready!)
• Chicken enchilada soup....mmmmmm.
• A long run to relieve stress.
• The drive to see my man, full of anticipation and excitement. (Ask Dani, she has never seen me such a hot mess.)
• Knowing that when I tuck Carter in his bed tonight, he has clean sheets.
• Easter weekend with my family.
• Waking up to my bestie 2 inches from my face. Yes, she sleeps over almost every night, in my bed. So what?!
• Feeling the breeze with the windows down in my car.
• When my mom says in her text messages, "I love u."
• When my dad says, "I love you Zoooskie."
• When my step-dad calls me his daughter.
• When my step-mom lets me know that I can tell her anything and she will understand. She calls me her daughter and I love it.
• When I get the feeling of moving on.
• When I get a text message from someone I didn't think I would hear from.
• When Carter says,"Mommy, you are so pretty."
• When someone tells me I am a good mom.
• When I cook a great meal and everyone eats til they are sick.
• Feeling safe....on a lot of levels.
• Believing in things that the naked eye can't see.
• Looking at old pictures and missing the memories tied to them.
• Seeing Whitney remain happy and positive through treatment. (Whitney is my hero.)
• When he has my lipgloss on from a long kiss. (Good heavens he looks great in my lipgloss, maybe even better than I do!)
• When Carter snuggles with me. (Busy 2 year-olds never snuggle.)
• Laughing until I cry. (Lately it has been a daily occurance.)
• Thinking about being a mommy again someday.
• Knowing that someone believes in you.
• Looking deep into someones eyes.
• Reading body language when they are telling you the direct opposite.
• When I close payroll.
• When I hear a song that is my life. I can almost always find meaning and direct relation to music in my life.
• When my grandparents talk about the day I was born.
• When I think about the day I had Carter. There were so many people there to see him. Not a soul in the room could help but grin from ear to ear.
• Finding a quote that fits me.
• When I am able to let go of stress; Especially if it has to do with something I can't change.
• When I completely cross off my list of tasks that I needed to complete that day.
• When I walk in the house and smell Mr. Clean, Bleach, Lysol and Laundry Detergent.
• A sweet little note from someone I care about.
• Chocolate.
• Getting a massage.
• Coloring with sidewalk chalk.
• When I can be the voice of reason for my friends.
• When my friends and family can be the voice of reason for me.
• Whitney cancer-free and healthy.
• Sunkissed skin, a swimming suit, a pool, my baby and a hot summer day.
• The smell of his Lucky cologne.
• Christmas time with the people that I love.
• A wet, dirty little boy kiss. (From Carter only, please!)
• Positive affirmation when I need it the most.
• Music on my ipod.
• The color pink. It truly warms my soul.
• Brand new babies. I love new babies. And Kids.

Last Week, They Made a Difference

Shane Kit Lewis Tillotson

You don't give yourself nearly enough credit, my love. You think you don't teach me anything? Well, you certainly know how to test my patience. Thank you for the lesson in patience. Thank you for the fun weekend, and thank you for teaching me about the difference between "cricks" and creeks; and small ponds and large bodies of water. After a long time in the making, I am glad that things are moving along. (We are going to rock, paper, scissors who answers the questions...although, how many questions can there really be? Apparently, the Laundry room window took care of that.) I love you to the moon and back a jillion times, at least. Can't wait to see you Thursday.

Whitney Cook

My little fighter. I love you so much, every single day of my life. I am so glad that I have been able to help with your treatment. Seeing you twice a day has been so rewarding. I cannot wait until you are better, though. This has been a crazy bump in the road. Cancer can't break you down. You are amazing. You make me see life as I should. Thank you for teaching me gratitude and humility. Thank you so much for never giving up. I know that this has been discouraging and so unfair at times, but you are doing great, Whitters. You are my little idol, my little hero, and I look up to you through all of this. I love you, Sis. Thank you for fighting like a girl!

Christina Jurado

Thank you for reminding me that no matter what the distance between us may be, we can always pick up where we left off. I sincerely hope that we can see each other more than once a year when Aaron is done with school. Thank you for teaching me about loyalty. You have got to be one of the most loyal people I have ever met. From the second we met, it was like we have known each other for years and years. Thank you for your sweet friendship. I love you like my family. Can't wait to see you and let our little ones play.

Love You Forever

This is the sweetest book ever. I got all teary when I read it. I bought it for Carter today at Barnes and Noble. (Along with Everybody Poops and Hands Are Not For Hitting...both books about topics I don't care to discuss at this time.) Anyone that has a little boy, or a child for that matter, can definitely relate to Love You Forever. Gives me the warm fuzzies. :)

Accidentally In Love

My beautiful, fun, amazingly smart 2 year-old son loves the song by Counting Crows, Accidentally In Love. Heaven. Please. Help. Me. Please. For. The. Love. If I have to hear it one more time, I am going to jump out the window and lose my freaking mind. It's on Shrek. That's where he learned it. Smart little stinker....

I swear, this little boy is the apple of my eye. I would be a miserable woman without him, I am sure. Motherhood is one of my dreams that have come true. I love Carter to the moon and back probably a billion times.

Monday Morning Madness

I just cannot believe that my little man is on his way to 3 years old. I wish I could stop time and enjoy him for a little bit longer. Carter makes me the happiest woman alive. Perhaps that is why I may never need another man for as long as I live? He is loyal, reliable, always makes me feel important in his life, I am his priority, like he is mine, he kisses me when I want it, he tells me I am pretty.....Sounds perfect to  me!

Monday Madness is going to be some random pictures of Carter and me. I truly feel like time has just disappeared.

18 Month Old Pictures

My little Naked Run Away, 10 Months Old

Easter Weekend, 2009

Carter 9 months old

Carter 15 Months old

Playing in the potty, a favorite hobby

Carter and me Summer 2009

Carter 9 Months Old

Carter and me Summer 2010

 Carter 23 Months Old

Carter and me in Disneyland October 2010

Carter 2 years old

Carter's 12 month Pictures

Grandma Eva's Farm

Carter 6 months old

Carter 1 month Old

Halloween 2008

Carter and me January 2009

Carter 4 months old

They Made A Difference This Week In Kelsie's World

Aside from my amazing family, there have been a few people this week that have been so sweet. I want to let them know how much I appreciate them and how they made a world of difference in my life.

Amy Jill Sperry

This week she has kept me entertained. She makes me laugh all day long. I know that she has some hormonal problems (inside joke), but without Amy, my days would be so dang long and boring. Any questions about my job that I have, she usually has the answers to. I adore this girl.

 

Jo Duff

My personal lighthouse in a storm. Thank you for listening to me when no one else does. If I had to pick a single person in this world that thinks exactly the way that I do, it would be Jo. She can say the things I am thinking, always. Thank you for letting me just be me. I am so thankful for you and your light. I love you.

 Jen Schieb

Where do I even start? She never lets me go more than a day or two without touching base. She knows all of my man drama and still laughs. She puts me directly in my place and reminds me on a regular basis that I am worth more than I realize. She loves me for me. She loves the way I am. She knows that i get her. Jen, I seriously love you so much!

 

Jake Fisher

You drove 9 hours to see me on Monday...Do I even need to elaborate? Thank you for your friendship. I am thankful for you every single day. 

 Dakotah Phillips

Thank you for checking on me while I have been sick. Thank you for being such a good friend for...I don't know....my entire life! I am so happy for you and Britt! It makes me excited to have a sister-in-law! You two make me smile and someday, I want a love story just like yours.

 Daniele Williams

"God knew our mothers couldn't handle us as sisters so they made us best friends." -Unknown

You are the absolute best. Thank you for snuggling with me in my bed, going to Dennys at all hours, telling me I look pretty, making me laugh non-stop, batting for my team when I needed it most, sharing endless inside jokes with me, letting me laugh or cry and always, always reasoning with me. I love you SO much. 

Kacey Gourley

Thank you for sitting in my office numerous times this week and for showing your support to Whitney. A smile certainly makes my day brighter. Thank you for being you. When you move to Alabama, I am going to miss printing your schedule and making you fix your visit notes. :)