Complete Adoration

I have to post a few things that Shane has said, done or implied lately. It cracks me up and I don't want to forget it.

• "The only thing dumber than a criminal is a smart criminal." He had some elaborate explanation as to why this makes sense. He said that a criminal is just naturally good at being a criminal. A smart one has to think about it.
• He hates "Age Dated" food. That means expired. He freaks out about it. "Have you ever heard of botulism, Kelsie?"
• "That was your name in Spanish, Kelsie." (When he burps or farts)
• Some Guy: Dude, can I touch your girlfriends boob and take a picture to make my ex-wife jealous? Shane: Absolutely not. Now get out of here.
• "It is hotter than a popcorn fart in here."
• He sniffs everything before he eats it.
• "Ha ha! Goteeeeeem!"
• "My dad was even afraid of them. He yelled off the back porch for them to get out of there, but he didn't even come down there. We were trying to sleep on the tramp and there were wild dogs circling us, snarling at us."
• "Get. off. of iiit!"
• "I hate Parmesan cheese, Kelsie. It smells like baby puke."
• Foods that Shane Hates: Cereal and milk, avocados, Parmesan cheese, nuts and frosting on his brownies and anything "Age dated" or that "Smells weird."
• There is a dead deer on the side of the road. It has been there for, I don't know, 2 freaking months? After the long Razor ride, Shane decided that it would a great idea to pick up this rotting carcass and move it for this old lady. (You better believe I dry heaved.) "We have to stop and move it. The lady is 90 years-old and asked me to do it like two weeks ago." Here is where I get confused...She asked him to move it two weeks ago. We are in the Razor, baja-ing home from a long, hot, dirty ride. A deer carcass is the last thing any of us wanted to move. Not 5 hours earlier, Shane drove the backhoe right by the dead deer. In fact, he probably had every single day for the two weeks prior, too. That was probably the best option. Instead, he busted out his gloves, walked over to that dead creature, tossed it in the bed of the Razor and off we went. "Drive faster, Ron! It will swirl the smell out of here. Faster!" (Uh, it made it about 90 times worse.) I will tell you this much; If Shane ever thinks I am going to participate in activities like that again, he is wrong. I sincerely hope he scrubbed, sanitized and bleached the bed of that Razor. That was absolutely putrid.
• "Kelsie, hurry. I thought you would be ready by now. I have spent at least half of a day this weekend just waiting for you."
• "You have done something to me. You know how long we have been on the phone? I am usually on the phone 10 minutes tops. My ear is burning from the radiation."
• "I wear the pants, Kelsie." This may be true, but I am going to do a purse check.... Yep. Still there.
• Fun little codes include the following.... -3, motivation, Christmas tree, SLAM!
• He turns down the music as we are driving. Sunglasses on. Head turns. We are driving near a Beer Brewery...."So....Did you just shi*, or are you going to tell me it is the barley I can smell?"
• Last but not least, my favorite phrase that left his mouth... "Well, I guess I just have bad luck." Hahahahahaha

That is the secret, people. Keep this girl laughing and you will have it made!